by Crissy Benage (Spokane, WA)LAST NIGHT I met Romano at the piazza. A group of us students were relaxing, drinking win, and eating gelato. When we saw Romano sitting alone a short distance away, we invited him to join us. He immediately accepted and moved to our table to talk and get to know the American students. Romano has come to piazza most nights for many years, and has gotten to know many students who study here. He asked us for our names and repeated them in an effort to remember them and to make sure he was pronouncing them correctly. It was touching to see his interest in our new group of students, because he must meet all the students as they move through Cagli, and it takes great effort to get to know them all. Romano showed us an important slice of Italian (more specifically Calgisian) culture that takes special interest in the person as a story.
When he came to me in the circle of names, he exclaimed “You are the sister of the girl from Marquette!” I was surprised, but since my sister had just been in Cagli, I told him that yes, that is correct. He was so excited to meet me and promised to buy me gelato tomorrow. He said that while he was meeting the other students that he was looking for me, and now he sees that my sister and I look alike. I was surprised by his instant excitement because he had never met me before that moment, and already he is insisting that we get together again soon. My sister told me that she tried to give Romano money to buy me gelato when I got here, but he refused and said “No, I will buy for her.” Again, this is an important aspect of Italian life, where a resident of a town has not met the family member of a friend, but instantly feels connected to that unknown person. Romano knew that we would be friends, and promised signs of that friendship before we even met.
This example of like in Cagli shows a collective caring for people, and a connectivity that is lessened in the United States. If this scenario were set in the US, the resident of the town might say “Oh ya, I’ll get to know her,” but probably would not have promised to spend money on an unknown person, or be so sure of a friendship with that person. In the US scenario, that resident may not even end up meeting the “sister” or family relative who followed, but simply giving lip service to the friend, promising to meet their loved one. In this instance of friendship, I have learned a significant difference between Italian culture of friendship and the over-simplified American notion of “knowing” someone. The Italians welcome new friends with open arms, and decide immediately to like them. Americans, instead, decide their friendship based on the individual person with little thought to loyalty to other friends.
